Whose Side Am I On?

Conflict stinks.  A lot.

It doesn’t matter where you encounter it – with family, friends, at work, at church – it can be one of the most difficult and painful things to walk through.

As Christians, we know that the Bible has a lot to say about conflict.  Almost every Bible character dealt with relational conflict at some level. 

Yet when we, as Christians, get into conflict, the Bible is rarely the first place we turn.  We get angry.  We are hurt.  We gossip to our friends who have nothing to do with the situation, to find “prayer” and “support”.  We have to defend our “rights”!  And we assume that God is on our side because we feel wronged.

During the time of the Civil War, our country was in great conflict.  The differing opinions on many aspects of how to run this country caused incredible turmoil.  Friends against friends.  Brother against brother.  A country divided.  And each side fully believed that God would give them the victory.

“Both North and South looked to God for meaning, and each side believed—with equal fervor and certitude—that God was on its side. Many ministers, generals, leaders, and editors went so far as to proclaim that God had ordained the war and would determine its length, its damages, and its outcome. The victor would show, in other words, whose side God really supported.” (http://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/tserve/nineteen/nkeyinfo/cwsouth.htm)

Isn’t that how we feel at times too – but in our relational conflict?  “God is on my side in this conflict, so I am justified to go to war!”

When Abraham Lincoln was asked which side of the Civil War he thought God was on, this was his response:

“Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be  on God's side, for God is always right."

Wow.  No matter what conflict we find ourselves in, God is not on our side or their side – God is on His own side.  God is on the side of forgiveness and reconciliation.  And God’s side is always right.

To join God’s side may mean I have to abandon my own side.  I will have to surrender my own “rights” for what God says is truly right.

“You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill.

This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”  Matthew 5:21-24

You know what’s interesting about these verses?  Jesus is talking to us about our own, personal responsibility.  He’s not talking about who’s right and who’s wrong.  He’s calling us to a higher standard of relationship – one He modeled for us.  It’s not about tit for tat, he said/she said – it’s about aligning our lives to the Word of God.  

 In conflict, we are usually focused solely on what the other side has done wrong.  But that's not what Jesus focuses on - He asks us to look at ourselves.  We don’t get to act any way we want to just because we're hurt.  Someone else’s choices don’t have to define how we respond.

See, we can only control ourselves – that’s what makes it hard, isn’t it?  Just because we align to what the Bible says doesn’t mean that those we are in conflict with will do the same.  But the broken action of someone else does not give us an excuse to sin or do whatever we want.  It is not permission to go to war.

I often think about how God’s ways are so counter-intuitive to what we would naturally do.  Faith in what we cannot see is hard enough – we humans put a lot of trust in what we can see or think that we are seeing!

But having to walk in forgiveness and love, too?  That is usually the opposite of our human responses to any situation, let alone conflict!

Then I’m reminded that when God is asking us to walk by faith, He is showing us life on His side.  Forgiveness and love, most beautifully modeled by Jesus, is the what life looks like when lived God’s way, from His side. 

And in order to live life on God’s side – the right side - I will have to walk away from life on my own side.  I may have been wronged – but rarely is there any situation where there is 100% right and 100% wrong (although there are times where that may be the case).  I have to own my part in conflict.  I have to apologize where I have been wrong – even if my wrong was in response to their wrong.

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.  Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back, says the Lord”.  Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.  If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”  Romans 12:17-21

This verse is incredibly humbling, isn’t it?  How often is this the way I respond to conflict?

Let me be clear about something:  conflict causes damage.  There is very real pain that can feel debilitating when it is happening.  Jesus does not expect us to shove down the emotion and pain that we have in order to follow “rules of conduct”.  He invites us to bring our pain to Him instead of lashing out at others.  Only the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives can help us to forgive those we are in conflict with, to live at peace with them and to allow God to have the final say.  Only Jesus’ life in us allows us to serve our enemies as He served His.

If you are struggling with hurt and unforgiveness due to conflict, one of the most powerful books that Craig and I have ever read is called The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.  It goes in depth in dealing with conflict, offense and what the Bible says to guide believers through those circumstances.  Please read it, particularly if you are wrestling with unforgiveness.  It is powerful and you will find freedom!
http://messengerinternational.org/store/catalogsearch/result/?q=the+bait+of+satan

If you find yourself in the midst of conflict today, we are praying for you.  And we are also praying that God will strengthen all of us to walk away from our own sides and choose to walk on His side.