Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

Hey everyone. Sorry for the long delay between blogs. I personally have been in an interesting “funk” that can only be described as a fog – like someone emerging from a long coma.

Over the past 19 months the Lord has walked me and my family through an incredibly difficult and trying season. One in which every aspect of life had to be surrendered over to Him in order to survive. During this time, we have learned what it is to be completely dependant on God for sustenance, finances, physical needs, and in general life. The incredible thing is that through this 19 month journey the Lord was absolutely faithful and ‘came through’ at every turn. As I look back, I can’t even count the amazing ways the Lord worked and provided out of nothing and through the generosity of family, friends and community. 

The problem arose just a few weeks after the great trial had come to an end. Now that the constant desperation and dependence on the Lord for the day-to-day was gone, I began to see myself begin to make a very wrong shift to my “own understanding”. Where I had spent almost every minute of every day actively on my face before the Lord out of sheer need, I now found myself standing more upright and not coming the Lord nearly as often.

I can’t say exactly when the shift took place but it most definitely happened. I was now leaning on my own understanding and trusting in my paycheck instead of depending on the Lord.

During this long journey of unemployment, I would end up between two very different emotional places: on one hand, I was spiritually very focused and God-centered – spending a lot of time in prayer, submission and introspection.  Yet many other aspects of life was adjusted to “screen-saver mode” where I was doing the bare minimum to survive and just make it through the day.

As I emerged from the sustained period of struggle my spiritually alert state was replaced with joy, excitement and relief. A few weeks after I received my job, the “new” season and my relief began to become the norm. I was no longer on my face before the Lord. I was no longer spending hours in prayer and worship just to keep aligned to Truth. I was so relieved to no longer have to struggle every day just to survive that I became complacent and lost my spiritual focus.

That’s when it happened, I shifted from leaning on the Lord and relying on His strength and provision – to relying on my own and on my new paycheck.

Proverbs 3:5 says this, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Yet that is exactly what I was doing. When I was in desperate need I actively sought the Lord and was willing to do just about anything. But now that the immediate need was gone, I was not so quick to schedule my daily meetings with the Lord.

My relief from the desperation of my situation gave way to complacency and pure laziness. My justification for this response?  Well, it has been such a long struggle and constant battle, I deserve a little break. The issue was that the little break became a little longer and little longer until it could no longer be called break but a sustained and purposeful “leave of absence”.

I am embarrassed to say that this happened in my life and at first,  was very reluctant to share it. But the more I prayed about it, the more I felt the Lord call me to authenticity. You see, this nasty little response of relief can quickly grow into a plague that has overtaken your life and run your spiritual fields into complete ruin.

The ease at which I was able to rely on my own understanding – the relief of a job, the regularity of an income – started to taint my sole reliance on God.  It is amazing that after 19 months of unemployment, the temptation to go back to old ways of thinking would try to rear its ugly head so quickly.

But the challenge is to trust in the Lord with all your heart and not to depend on your own personal understanding.  The first part of the Proverb does not provide any distinction or definition as to timing or situation. It just simply states that we must trust in the Lord with ALL our heart, regardless of circumstances. We must learn to trust in good times and bad times. We must learn to rely on Him when in the desert or in the harvest.

This is a lesson that I’m still learning. My own understanding is such a beast and one that attempts to control everything. I am learning to continually surrender no matter what season I am in.  I need Him as much in plenty as I do in want.  Maybe more so.