Being Alone Is Real, but Being Lonely Doesn't Have To Be

I have come to realize that lonliness is never really what it seems. Being alone is not fake, its a very real sensation, but lonliness is a choice. 

For a couple of years now I have allowed myself to fall into this mindset that I am always alone, that no one cares about me, no one understands me, that I deserve to be alone. That just isn't true. I have become oblivious to the fact there are people all around me that love me and want to help me but most importantly, God is there and always has been. 

The fact that God isn't tangible has always been an obstacle for me in believing that He really cares about me. Sometimes I just want someone to hug me or talk to me and just look me directly into the eyes and say that I mean something to them but God has been doing it for me all these years, I just didn't see it. I was too caught up in my own sorrow and feeling sorry for myself that I only focused on the alternate reality that I was letting my emotions create. 

A close friend of mine once told me that sorrow is addicting.  I thought about it and realized that that was true. I became so comfortable in just being sad and wanting to be comforted that I didn't pay attention to the fact that God was there for me and was trying to get to me. I poured my heart out to anyone that I could trust, to people that I wanted to be comforted by, but I was going to everyone but God, who I really needed to go to. 

I was trying to fill the hole in my heart with human affections when in reality, God is the only one who can heal that hole. Sometimes it is still hard to take refuge in knowing that God is always there even though i can't see Him. I have to choose to let go of the sorrow that I have been building in my heart for a long time because God is there and is more than ready to take that burden from me. I have discovered that being alone is real, but being lonely isn't because God is always there despite my sorrow and what my emotions say. God is always there, no matter what.

What Tessa Taught Me About Myself

In January of 2013, we adopted a beautiful pit bull terrier from a local animal rescue.  Her name is Tessa.

Tessa spent the first few years of her life on a ranch where she was not cared for at all.  She spent her days outside, roaming with the other dogs, looking for food and water.  By 3 years old, she had already had two litters of puppies and both litters contained multiple breeds of dogs.  As the only female, Tessa had been used by the other dogs at the ranch, to be sure.  She was pregnant with her second litter when she was rescued.

We met Tessa after she had been at the rescue for almost 8 months.  Somehow this sweet dog, the favorite of every volunteer there, had not been adopted.  I think God was saving her for us.

The people at the rescue were so excited for us to have her!  They taught us about how her breed, as a pit bull terrier, can be strong and powerful.  She could easily break through a plate glass window, if she wanted to.  She could jump a fence if we didn’t train her well.  I began to feel a little intimidated by her breed!

But for all of Tessa’s strength and ability, she was also a product of her circumstances.  Her years of abuse and neglect left this powerful dog scared of everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  She was scared of men.  The trash truck.  Big cars, even if they weren’t running.  She was hesitant to go outside.  When we took her on walks, she would walk with her head down.  She was a shell of the powerful dog she didn’t even know she was.  The powerful dog she was created to be.

Aren’t there times when we are like Tessa, too?  

With our identity given to us by Jesus, we are free to walk before Him as His beloved.  We are called to be powerful men and women, establishing the Kingdom of God wherever we go.

But sometimes we allow our circumstances to shape our identity.  We begin to believe what “the facts” of our lives have told us.  We are unworthy because we were rejected.  We are failures because of our mistakes.  We are disqualified because of things that have happened to us.

And these are the lies we begin to take as truth.  I believe Satan’s goal is to attack us at the very points where God wants to use us the most.  Our enemy wants to use our circumstances to drive us into a corner, where we are fearful victims instead of victorious warriors.  He wants us to hang on to unforgiveness and cling to old ways so that our eyes are never lifted up to our Savior, His healing touch, and the future that He has for us.

And so each of us has a choice to make.

Are we going to believe what our past circumstances have said about us and let that shape how we look at ourselves and our lives? 

Or are we going to look ahead at what God is calling us to and who He says that we are?

If we look back to our circumstances, then we are like Lot’s wife in Genesis 19.  God ordered Lot and his family to leave Sodom and Gomorrah, a place of immorality and destruction.  They were not to look back as they left, but to set their face forward where God was calling them.  But Lot’s wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt.

Looking back to the place of brokenness froze her – and it does the same thing in us.  When we keep looking over our shoulders to a past of hurt and pain, we get stuck there and are kept from moving forward into all that God has for us!

So let’s make the other choice:  let’s choose to move ahead into all that God has for us, in the fullness of who He says we are! 

“. . .forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:13-14)

God has so much more for us than what the circumstances of our life have been!  We must see ourselves as He does, as new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) and as conquerors in Him (Romans 8:37)!

When we see ourselves as He does, and not as defined by our past, then we can be who God has called us to be – and this world needs men and women of God who know who they truly are and who are willing to do great exploits in His Name!

As C.S. Lewis said, “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

Amen!

Be Brave!

Several years ago, I attended an incredible women’s conference here in Los Angeles called Godchicks.  Created by Holly Wagner, who co-pastors Oasis Church with her husband, Philip Wagner, this yearly women’s gathering inspires women to walk in all that God has called them to be!

On year, the theme was “Brave” – and I knew immediately that this was a word that God was giving to both me and to my daughters Meagan and Kelsey (who were 7 and 9 at the time). 

Those who know me already think that I’m pretty brave.  I am an outgoing girl.  I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone.  And I don’t ever mind being in front of a big crowd.  Though those things may scare some people, I actually love doing them!

But I knew that the bravery that God was calling us to was to stretch us in the things that didn’t come so easily – the things that were hard for us and where He was asking us to trust Him, risk and grow.

In 2008, I was in the middle of an intense season of wrestling with my own disappointment over some unfulfilled dreams in my life.  The promises of God were very slow in coming and I was beginning to truly believe that I had not heard God correctly and that God really didn’t have more for me.  The horizon of my life looked bleak and gray, with no hope of new life growing on it.

In the middle of that place, God asked me to dream again.  In fact, He gave Craig and me a dream that is so big it is beyond our capacity to do it!  It would require believing God fully and trusting that He would make a way where there seemed to be no way.

For me, it required bravery to risk extreme disappointment to dream with God again.  And though it has been 5 ½ years since that moment, God has changed us immensely as we are still waiting on Him for fulfillment.  It requires bravery to dream with and wait on God!

For both me and the girls, bravery included dealing with relational issues. It takes courage to rightly respond when facing rejection and hurt – or to go back and ask for forgiveness when we are the ones who hurt someone else. 

It requires bravery to speak truth to someone, even when it comes at a great personal cost.

One of the ultimate acts of bravery is to allow God to work forgiveness in our hearts towards those who have hurt us. That is a work that can definitely take time!

But more often than not, a lifestyle of bravery has been forged in mundane, everyday choices:

*Will I be brave enough to say no to my immediate gratification and yes to wise stewardship of my money?

*Will I be brave enough to use my time well, making time for the most important things like spending time with the Lord?

*Will I be brave to believe God is who He says He is no matter what circumstances I am facing in my life?

As my girls and I have walked this journey together, I am amazed at the courage and strength God has worked in us.  In Him, we are brave – not because of our own strength, but because of the goodness of God to lead us out beyond our comfort zone.

After all, God never calls us to do anything that He does not empower us to do. . .so the Lord girls have answered the call to bravery.  And He wants to raise up a generation of men and women, boys and girls, who are willing to bravely bring the Kingdom of God here on earth.  Let’s say yes to that call!

"Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go."   Joshua 1:9

Whole Magazine is an incredible site where women share stories of what God is doing in their lives.  Jen had the privilege of writing for them and we'd love for you to check it out!

http://www.wholemagazine.org/

Burning The Gallows

A few weeks ago, our pastor shared an incredible story of forgiveness and mercy. 

This is a true story, which took place in April in a small town in Iran.  A man had been convicted of killing a 17-year old during a street fight.  He was now sentenced to death by hanging.

The family of the dead boy was in agony.  Especially the mother.  She just could not forgive the man who had taken her son’s life. 

The man is led, blindfolded, onto the gallows and is stood up on a chair.  The noose is placed around his neck.  According to Islamic law, the family of the victim is the one to push the chair out from under the murderer, hanging him and ending his life.

The mother shared with the crowd her ache in missing her son.  She said she could not forgive the man who had done this to their family.

She climbed the steps to where her son’s murdered was standing, up on a chair, noose around his neck.

She asked for a chair to be brought over so she could stand up next to him. 

Then she slapped the man across the face.

She would later tell a reporter, "After that, I felt as if rage vanished within my heart. I felt as if the blood in my veins began to flow again," she said. "I burst into tears and I called my husband and asked him to come up and remove the noose."   She later said, “Vengeance has left my heart.”

This woman, who was holding so much grief in her heart over the death of her son, forgave his murderer.  She set him free.  She let him go down off those gallows to live a life her son would never get to live.

Our pastor asked us the question, “Who do you have up on a chair?”  He was talking about forgiveness and mercy.  How we’ve received it from a compassionate Savior.  How we need to extend it to those who have hurt us.

My first thought was, “Lord, you know there are people who have hurt me.  You know that I have had opportunities to kick the chair out from under them.  But because of Your correction and healing in my life, I have chosen forgiveness and chosen not to kick the chair out from under them.”

The Lord said to me, “Yes, but you still have them up on the gallows.”

And that stopped me cold.

I think forgiveness comes in layers.  I have forgiven people for things they have done to me.  Truly forgiven them.  Prayed for them, asked God to bless them, even.  Not kicked out the chair.

But I have left them up on those gallows.  I’ve secretly hoped in my heart that by leaving them up there, others will see how badly I was treated and will hold them responsible. 

I wasn’t going to kick the chair.  But I was hoping they would suffer for how they hurt me.

So the Lord led me on another layer of forgiveness and healing.  I poured out my heart to the Lord as He helped me climb up on the chair next to them, remove the noose from around their neck, help them down from the gallows and let them go into the crowd.

I released them - again.  They do not owe me anything.  They are free from my desire to see them make amends for what was done to me.

And I knew that I was free at a deeper level than before.  Because if I don’t have them up there on those gallows, then I’m not looking at them, wondering if their day of reckoning will ever come. 

Then the Lord took me one level deeper.  He told me I had to burn the gallows.  I had to allow the Refiner’s fire burn up that part of my heart that craves being validated when wronged.  I can’t let them…or anyone else…back up on the gallows of my heart, so I burnt it down.  They are free.  And so am I.

I could immediately feel the shift in my soul.  I could turn my face fully toward my Savior and walk unhindered into more of what He has for me.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says,

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Forgiveness may come in layers, one step at a time.  That is OK.  We must keep our hearts turned toward the Lord and trust Him with our lives.  Because that is ultimately what forgiveness is – the surrender of our lives and our rights to God, believing that what He has allowed us to go through at the hands of others can still be used for our good and His glory!

So that faint aroma of burning embers I smell?  That’s the smell of freedom and forgiveness.  I am free!!

Living Life With A Calling

Living life with a calling can seem like the weight of the world is on your shoulders… trust me, I know.

The year that I was making the transition from 2^nd grade to 3^rd grade I went up to Camp Cedar Crest with my church for the first time. My expectations going up there were that I was going to swim, hang out with my friends, and maybe learn a little about God. I didn’t think of camp as a place to meet God and open up your heart to Him in a whole new way, I was just focusing on being with my friends. So, of course, when I don’t think anything is going to happen and that God isn’t going to do anything dramatic with my life but that I was just going to be another kid worshipping and listening to sermons, something happens. On the last night of camp I had a pretty big encounter with God.

It seems pretty common that when us humans doesn’t think that God will do anything, He does. That night I was called to be a pastor.

I came back down the mountain with my calling but I still wasn’t sure if it was an actual calling from God. I mean, I was in third grade; I could have just thought it to myself and thought I heard God. I got home, told my parents, and of course they were excited but nothing dramatic happened. I just kept on living my life. My 3^rd grade year was going really well. I had two best friends and the best teacher that I have ever had in my entire life. Life was good for me. During this time I kind of began to forget about my calling because it seemed so insignificant at the time. How is a 3^rd grader going to become a pastor?

My 4^th grade year rolls along and I was expecting to go back to school and for everything to be the same as it was the year before, but it wasn’t. That year I was in a different class than both my best friends, which stunk, and I had a difficult teacher. Well, when school started both of my best friends decided they weren’t going to hang out with me anymore and stopped eating lunch with me. They ignored me, wouldn’t talk to me, and acted as if I didn’t exist. For the next couple of weeks I was a very lonely, sad, and rejected girl with no friends because they were my best friends and I thought that they were all I needed. I am the kind of person that when I meet someone and we become very close and call each other best friends, I expect us to be best friends forever, which cause this loss of friendship to sting a whole lot more.

That same year was pretty terrible. I didn’t know how to make friends very well, and I wasn’t girly enough to hang with most of the girls. I was athletic and I would play kickball, the other girls would just walk around the playground and talk and that stuff I just didn’t want to do. During this year I began to turn my back on God. I cocooned myself in my own world and was convinced that God didn’t love me because He let these awful things happen to me. Aso during that year I met this amazing group of guys that I just fit in with. They weren’t girls so there was no drama and they were more fun to be around. One of the boys I have known since preschool and the others I have known since 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd grade, but we had never really hung out. We all quickly became very close and very good friends.

By 5^th grade I had almost completely forgotten about my calling. My life was so wrapped around school, my friends, and what I wanted to do. At that point I was harboring some anger and sadness from the rejection from my friends and I was still extremely angry at God and I just didn’t trust Him anymore. I didn’t think that He loved me anymore and I didn’t like to pray because I didn’t think He would answer.

In 6^th grade I had completely forgotten about my calling, I was a volcano that blew with emotions from my 4^th grade rejection, and I was living my life by myself. I wasn’t asking God for help, I didn’t trust Him anymore, I didn’t believe that He loved me after all these bad things happened to me.

During that year I did some things that I’m not proud of and I was pretty sure that God was angry at me and was sort of “retracting” the pastor calling He put on me because I wasn’t “Christian” enough to be a pastor anymore.

I eventually came to my mom and she helped me realize that God still loved me, that I could trust Him, and that I needed to forgive my friends for what they did to me. This made me feel a lot better but I didn’t think much about my pastor calling.

7^th grade started and I was going to my church youth group, UTURN, and we went to winter camp this past February. While we were up there I understood a lot from the teachings. Worship was amazing and the sermons that were spoken really helped me in ways I didn’t even realize I needed help. They talked about how you can never disappoint God because He knows exactly what you are going to do every minute of your life.  I needed to hear that and didn’t even know how much. I needed this to be said because of all the times I felt had disappointed God and felt that I wasn’t good enough to be a pastor. On the last night of this camp the pastors talked about how the Holy Spirit is still active and that spiritual gifts are still given. Over the course of my 7^th grade year, I had heard from others that it wasn’t right for women to be in church leadership.  I began to doubt my call. But being up at camp reminded me of what is true and my calling was real and I wasn’t sinning by following it.

That same night, the pastors called up those in the audience who felt like they had a pastor calling placed on their lives and I went up. They prayed over us and in that moment I heard God tell me that I needed to start living with my calling in my head. I needed to act with my calling in mind. If I was going to be a pastor I needed to start living and acting like it.

I came back down the mountain and told my mom. She began to tell me how before I was even born her mom, my Grammie, had said that she felt that I was going to be a pastor.  She also told me that the pastor who dedicated me to the Lord had prayed over me that I was going to be a leader in the church.  At that moment, my mom confirmed what I knew God was saying. 

There isn’t doubt in my mind that I am going to be a pastor. After years of doubting God and doubting the call to ministry, God revealed it to me in an amazing way. I am no longer living for myself but for God. I am going to be the pastor that God wants me to be, whether the world accepts it or not.

The Testimony of Wrinkles

Kelsey and I went to the doctor because she sprained her foot.  We were waiting a LONG time, so we started taking selfies with my phone.  Later, as I was looking at this picture, something struck me.

See that on my forehead?  Between my eyebrows?  Those are wrinkles.  Wrinkles I never noticed. Sure, I’d seen the ones around my eyes.  But now between my eyebrows?

Um. . .not OK.

Of course, this led me on a trip to the store to find an affordable, yet reliable anti-wrinkle face  wash/moisturizer/cream to deal with this situation.  I wondered how long it would take to begin to help my wrinkles, which seemed to deepen the longer I looked at them.

But then. . .

        . . . the Holy Spirit reminded me of something.

My wrinkles tell the story of my life.

Those lines mean that I have the privilege of experiencing great love that set a smile so deep in my heart that it could not help but beam across my face.

The laugh lines show the amazing enjoyment and fun I have experienced with the amazing family and friends God has given me. 

Those wrinkles also show signs of a furrowed brow.  Because life is hard.  Because there are time when my face has crumbled in tears of pain or sadness.

Sometimes my face has hardened in anger or frustration.  I have fought long and hard for the people and things I am passionate about.

Those two lines between my eyebrows remind me of all of the seasons of my life.  And of the goodness of God that has brought me through it all.

I realize my body carries the other signs of living.  The stretch marks on my stomach are the reminder that my two beautiful daughters grew inside my body.

The gray hairs that have shown up in the last year remind me that “gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life” (Proverbs 16:31).  At least I hope that’s why mine are now coming in gray!  ;)

I know that I am only 37 years old – and in the great scheme of life, that is not that old!  I am, God willing, less than halfway through my life!  But I will tell you, I cannot do all of the things I could 10 years ago.  My arms tire more quickly.  My back gets sore very easily.  I tire out at a much faster pace!

And as I see those wrinkles on my face and the way my body has changed, I’m reminded that my heart has aged, as well.  It also bears the scars of living.  The wounds of death and loss.  The injuries gained from the pain of living in a fallen world.  The havoc my own sin has wreaked upon the tender places of my soul. 

But by God’s grace, those scars are no longer gaping wounds.  The scars remain as the evidence of the healing work of God in my own heart.  His miracle touch has changed me and made me whole.

We live in a society that does not value wrinkles, scars and disfigurement.  Our world values youth and the look of perfection.

But my lack of perfection tells the story of a life I’m so grateful to God that He has given me. 

I read a powerful quote a few years ago:

“Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied to many.”  Unknown

There is great privilege as we age.  We have lived through seasons of life.  Hopefully we are doing the hard work of growing up, not just growing older.  Hopefully we are allowing God to work in us a heart of wisdom.  Hopefully our wrinkled faces are giving way to faces of men and women who are looking more like Jesus.

"Wisdom is with aged men, with long life is understanding” (Job 12:2).

                                                                          

I pray that we can pass on to others the hope that lies in Jesus.  That He takes the wrinkles of living, the scars of sin and brokenness and brings healing and life that can shine brightly for His glory.

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

Hey everyone. Sorry for the long delay between blogs. I personally have been in an interesting “funk” that can only be described as a fog – like someone emerging from a long coma.

Over the past 19 months the Lord has walked me and my family through an incredibly difficult and trying season. One in which every aspect of life had to be surrendered over to Him in order to survive. During this time, we have learned what it is to be completely dependant on God for sustenance, finances, physical needs, and in general life. The incredible thing is that through this 19 month journey the Lord was absolutely faithful and ‘came through’ at every turn. As I look back, I can’t even count the amazing ways the Lord worked and provided out of nothing and through the generosity of family, friends and community. 

The problem arose just a few weeks after the great trial had come to an end. Now that the constant desperation and dependence on the Lord for the day-to-day was gone, I began to see myself begin to make a very wrong shift to my “own understanding”. Where I had spent almost every minute of every day actively on my face before the Lord out of sheer need, I now found myself standing more upright and not coming the Lord nearly as often.

I can’t say exactly when the shift took place but it most definitely happened. I was now leaning on my own understanding and trusting in my paycheck instead of depending on the Lord.

During this long journey of unemployment, I would end up between two very different emotional places: on one hand, I was spiritually very focused and God-centered – spending a lot of time in prayer, submission and introspection.  Yet many other aspects of life was adjusted to “screen-saver mode” where I was doing the bare minimum to survive and just make it through the day.

As I emerged from the sustained period of struggle my spiritually alert state was replaced with joy, excitement and relief. A few weeks after I received my job, the “new” season and my relief began to become the norm. I was no longer on my face before the Lord. I was no longer spending hours in prayer and worship just to keep aligned to Truth. I was so relieved to no longer have to struggle every day just to survive that I became complacent and lost my spiritual focus.

That’s when it happened, I shifted from leaning on the Lord and relying on His strength and provision – to relying on my own and on my new paycheck.

Proverbs 3:5 says this, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Yet that is exactly what I was doing. When I was in desperate need I actively sought the Lord and was willing to do just about anything. But now that the immediate need was gone, I was not so quick to schedule my daily meetings with the Lord.

My relief from the desperation of my situation gave way to complacency and pure laziness. My justification for this response?  Well, it has been such a long struggle and constant battle, I deserve a little break. The issue was that the little break became a little longer and little longer until it could no longer be called break but a sustained and purposeful “leave of absence”.

I am embarrassed to say that this happened in my life and at first,  was very reluctant to share it. But the more I prayed about it, the more I felt the Lord call me to authenticity. You see, this nasty little response of relief can quickly grow into a plague that has overtaken your life and run your spiritual fields into complete ruin.

The ease at which I was able to rely on my own understanding – the relief of a job, the regularity of an income – started to taint my sole reliance on God.  It is amazing that after 19 months of unemployment, the temptation to go back to old ways of thinking would try to rear its ugly head so quickly.

But the challenge is to trust in the Lord with all your heart and not to depend on your own personal understanding.  The first part of the Proverb does not provide any distinction or definition as to timing or situation. It just simply states that we must trust in the Lord with ALL our heart, regardless of circumstances. We must learn to trust in good times and bad times. We must learn to rely on Him when in the desert or in the harvest.

This is a lesson that I’m still learning. My own understanding is such a beast and one that attempts to control everything. I am learning to continually surrender no matter what season I am in.  I need Him as much in plenty as I do in want.  Maybe more so.

Are You Pregnant With Promise?

It was the Christmas season of 1991.  Thousands of Foursquare youth were gathering from all around the nation to meet together for a gathering called Summit ’91.  It was an incredible conference filled with great songs, awesome teachings and new friendships!

I remember distinctly a workshop that I attended at that gathering.  The woman (whose name I don’t remember or I would give her a shout out!) talked about how Mary had been pregnant with Promise.  The Holy Spirit had divinely placed within her a part of God’s amazing, redemptive plan.

She went on to say that each of us is pregnant with something, too.  Each of us carries within us the unique calling and purpose that God has for our lives.  We each have our part to play in the redemptive story.  I remember being so moved by that!

God would go on to use that pregnancy analogy over and over in my life.  He has given us promises and spoken prophetic words to us repeatedly that carry this pregnancy theme.  He has placed dreams and callings within Craig and me that remind us of what He wants to do through us to further His Kingdom here on earth.  He has divinely placed within us things that will bring hope – that will point others to Jesus – that will bring new life to those facing spiritual death.

And He has placed those things within each of you, as well.  We are called to establish His Kingdom on earth in all aspects of life!  Maybe He has given you a new way to do business.  Maybe you have a creative idea for the entertainment industry or powerful ways to help other parents.  God has placed you exactly where He wants you to be and has redemptive things for you to do in that place!

I love how another phrase for being pregnant is that a woman “is expecting”.  Because there is A LOT of expectation about pregnancy, isn’t there?  What is the sex of the baby?  When’s the baby due?  What will it look like?  What will labor be like?

Maybe you are like we are – expecting!  Waiting for God to birth what He has placed within us!

And maybe you have been pregnant a long time.  We have been pregnant for 17 years!

As any woman who has had a baby will tell you, the longer you are pregnant, the harder it gets.  Your body gets bigger.  You feel pain and discomfort.  It is challenging to do the things you could easily do before.  You are so excited, but so tired!  You just want the birth to come, already!

Maybe you are feeling that in your life.  You have dreams and hopes that God has placed within you.  But you may feel like a woman who has been pregnant a long time.  You are uncomfortable and in pain.  The waiting is hard, even disappointing.  You feel tempted to give up on what God has put in your heart.

I was feeling this way very distinctly back in 2007.  I was reading a magazine and happened upon an article that would change my perspective completely.

Heidi Baker, who runs an incredible ministry called Iris Ministries, wrote an article about being pregnant with the promises of God.  Here’s what she wrote:

“The Lord spoke to me recently about the church and said, "No more abortions." No more aborting His promises or prophetic words.

No more aborting what God has placed inside us.
He told me to ask the church: "'Who will carry that which I've placed within them to full term? Who will allow Me to stretch them and break them and mold them and cause them to be inconvenienced? Who will allow Me to utterly transform their lives by the shape of the promise within them?'"
I hope and pray you will. I believe carrying a prophetic word is like being pregnant with a baby: The way you walk, talk, move, everything is totally transformed. That has been my experience. It was Mary's experience too.”

When we give up on the God-given dreams and promises that He has placed within us, then we are spiritually aborting what He wants to birth through us – whoa!

Though it can be so very difficult to wait, the beauty of the timing of pregnancy is what it produces in us.  We are enlargened in our capacity.  We are stretched beyond our own selfishness to give our very lives for God’s purposes in our lives and for those He has called us to share His love with.  Much happens in the pregnancy process that makes us ready for birthing a promise!

Because it’s ultimately about surrender, isn’t it?  Trusting God’s word is true, trusting His timing, trusting He will do what He said He will do!  And trusting Him, even in the face of all that we will face along while pregnant, just as Mary did.  She did not allow fear of the repercussions of what God had told her to change her answer.  She would carry what God had placed within her.

She said yes to being pregnant.  And yes to giving birth.

If you are discouraged on waiting for God to fulfill the dreams in your life, and are weary of still being pregnant with promise, remember this truth from Isaiah 66:9:

“Shall I bring to the time of birth, and not cause delivery?” says the Lord.  Shall I who cause delivery shut up the womb?” says your God.

Don’t give up!  God will bring to pass all that He has placed within you!

Reacting Versus Responding

You know those times when you've had a bad season?  Life has just taken it’s toll – bad day at work, too many bills, stress at home - you are weary and tired and everything just gets on your. last. nerve.

So when we're in that bad place and someone just sends us over the edge with their words, we no longer think before we speak. 

With our emotions raw and our sensitivities on high, we REACT.  We don't take the time to think through an appropriate response.  We just blow.  (Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s done this!)

Let’s be honest.  We know this broken reaction never brings peace.  It always makes the situation worse.  It makes an already weary heart even more burdened by creating additional drama and problems.  Things do not get better when we merely react.

Friends, I think the Church in America is in a bad season  We are continually in opposition to all our society values.  We are facing discrimination we never thought we would see in America.  It is hard not to be fearful of how much worse this is going to get.

So for many, in their fear, in their hurt, in their pain, the actions of A&E to suspend Phil Robertson for his comments got on their. last. nerve.

And a lot of people who say they love Jesus. . .reacted.

Did it make anything better?

I agree that these are frightening times that we live in.  But what are we doing with that fear?  What are we doing with how we feel when we hear about judges who are approving discrimination against Christian businesses or read stories about the continual stripping away of Christianity from schools, holidays and government properties?

What if we brought our very real fear, anxiety and pain to Jesus?  We can pour out our deep fear before Him and take in His love and His words.  Would we respond differently?

Could we let Jesus give us His perspective on our culture?  Could we allow Him to bring peace to our hearts as we keep our eyes on Him instead of our gaze focused on the chaos of this country?

Could we RESPOND in the wisdom and love of God instead of REACTING out of fear and anxiety?

Here’s what Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 10:26-22 (The Message):

“Stay alert. This is hazardous work I’m assigning you. You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove.

Don’t be naive. Some people will impugn your motives, others will smear your reputation—just because you believe in me. Don’t be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they’ve done you—and me—a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don’t worry about what you’ll say or how you’ll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.

When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don’t quit. Don’t cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you’ve run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.”

Church, I think it’s time for us to realize that things are not going to go back to how they were. 

So instead of longing for the old days, what if we ground ourselves in reading the Word of God and find out how to wisely walk in the days we are in?

We can’t hunker down, safely within our church walls and hide.  We were sent for this, meant to love in the midst of this hate.  

Just as Jesus did.

But we can’t react.  We must respond with the heart of God.

Favor With God

Whenever we move toward the Christmas season, my daughter Kelsey and I LOVE to watch the movie, “The Nativity Story.”  It’s a live-action version of the Christmas narrative.  There’s something very profound about putting flesh and blood on the stories we read in the Bible.  Words on the page come to life when we remember again that these were people – just like you and me – living out the stories we are so familiar with.

I am always amazed by Mary.  An angel appears to her, telling her that she, a virgin, will bear a child – and not just any child.  She will give birth to the long-awaited Messiah, the one who will save her people.

The angel delivers this news and Mary says yes.  Quickly.  Right away.  She didn’t hmm and haw.  She didn’t “get back to him after she’d thought about it a while”.  Mary’s immediate reply to what God sent the angel to say was, “I am the Lord's servant. May everything you have said about me come true” (Luke 1:38).

That just amazes me about this young woman.  Mary simply says yes.  She doesn’t allow the implications of what God has said to give her pause.  Because believe me, there were implications.

Mary lived during a time when women could be stoned for being found pregnant before they were married.  So she could face death, at the worst.  At the least, she would face rumor and gossip, being ostracized for this pregnancy.  She would face being misunderstood and doubted.  And she had to face her family.  And her fiancé.

God’s will was going to require everything from Mary.  It was going to cost her physical comfort (all the mama’s out there understand that one!)  It was going to cost her emotionally, socially, relationally – her whole life was about to be hijacked by God.

But ALL of that paled in comparison to saying yes to God.  She wasn’t ruled by fear of what man would think or say.  She was overwhelmed with the honor that God had chosen her.  And she immediately decided her life was God’s, to do with as He pleased.

There have been times in my life when I have known that the Lord has called me to do certain things.  When He has directed me in areas of obedience I need to take or things He’s wanting to accomplish in my life.  And in that moment, I wholeheartedly will say, “Lord, I give You my life.  Do with it what You want.” 

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I’m praying that prayer to surrender to God’s will for my life, I’m surrendering to what I think God will want me to do – or what I’m hoping He will do in my life.  And that usually includes pretty fantastic things like having enough money to be able to give to people in need or God using me in a significant way in someone’s life.  You know – something grand.

But when I pray those prayers of surrender, God takes me at my word.  And He uses my life. . .on His terms, not on mine.  And sometimes – many times – grand things don’t happen.  At least not right away.  In fact, sometimes it seems like the path becomes filled with difficulties.  Just like Mary must’ve felt.

Rejection, loss and pain were all a part of Mary’s experience as God was using her life to so beautifully bring forth the Savior of the world. And that pattern is pretty consistent throughout the Bible.  People, like you and me, who said yes to God also said no to themselves – their own will and their own comfort.

It’s ultimately a tragedy that we have bought into an idea that when God is at work in our lives, it should look so easy.  We long for the lack of conflict and worldly success.  We think that if God’s in it, things should just fall into place.  Troubles are kept far from our path.  Doors just open. 

But favor from God does not look like a perfect life.  Wealth, worldly success, everyone else’s opinion of us – these are not necessarily the signs of God’s favor.

I’m not saying that there are times when those things do happen.  But I think if we were to ask Mary what God’s work in her life looked like, she would say many difficulties came with becoming the mother of the Messiah. 

In Luke 1:30, the angel told Mary that she had found favor with God.  He was about to bestow a precious responsibility upon this young woman, and He knew she was a woman who would say yes to His plan for her life.  He also knew what He was asking of Mary would require a lot from her.  Yet He asked it of her anyway, knowing His will and His plan were ultimately the best thing for her – and ultimately for the whole world. 

All the difficulties she would encounter were not a sign of not having favor with God.  In fact, she was facing all that she did BECAUSE she had found favor with God.

And it’s funny (and by funny I mean NOT FUNNY AT ALL) how when we take steps of obedience to what God is calling us to in our own lives, our lives can begin to exhibit things that seem the very opposite of favor.

Sometimes it’s that we have said yes to being the kind of man or woman God has called us to be. We’ve committed to loving our spouse the way God loves us.  We’ve determined to respond out of love instead of anger with our kids.  We’ve chosen to be a light in a dark workplace.

But then, somehow, we face rejection for standing for truth.  We try to be patient with our kids, only to have them respond badly (and usually in public!).  We set the alarm to get up early and spend time with the Lord before heading off to work and then face persecution with co-workers who don’t know God.

The difficulties we face each day can seem to be the opposite of the great things God has said He wants to work in our lives. God told Mary she would bear His Son – but then she had to ride a donkey for days on end at 9 months pregnant and give birth in a stinky barn.

If you’re having a donkey, stinky-barn kind of season in your life, then be assured, my friends – you’re in very good company.  Mary, Paul, even Jesus Himself all had days like this on this earth.

Sometimes we need to pause and ask the Lord to remind us that He is at work in our lives.  Difficulties don’t mean God isn’t with us.  And it doesn’t mean He’s not up to far greater things in us than we could even imagine. 

Each of us has found favor with God.  And when we say yes to His plan and our plans falls apart, we need to remember that truth way deep down in our souls.

In fact, like Mary, God may want to birth something through us.  More on that in the next blog…

Thankful

Hello, friends!

You may have noticed that we have not posted as often on our blog this last month.  Our family has been adjusting to Craig’s new job, which has been an incredible blessing.  We are just so amazed at all that God has done for us!

As we look to celebrate Thanksgiving this year, now more than ever, we are keenly aware of God’s faithfulness.  He was faithful when we had no job.  He is faithful now that we do.  He has not changed.  But His faithfulness has changed us.

In the seasons of unemployment, loss and death, I have been angry.  I have been scared.  I have begged God to move us quickly through these seasons.  I have cried buckets of tears. 

And in my crying out to Him, God has taught me surrender.  He has changed my anger to trust.  He has humbled my pride – the part of me that has determined I knew what was best for my life – and He has replaced it with a deep and abiding trust for my all-knowing Savior.

Jesus has loved us deeply and reminded us of it often.  And through every season of our lives that has brought changes, both good and bad, He has stayed “the same yesterday, today and forever” (Heb.13:8).  And I am so thankful that He is the same and we are not – He has changed us!

When Craig and I got married, Pastor Jack Hayford gave us a couple of specific verses at our wedding.  One of them was Philippians 3:13-14:

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

There were days in our dark moments where forgetting what was behind literally meant forgetting yesterday.  That I wasn’t going to allow my trust in God today to be determined by what terrible circumstances had happened the day before.  Keeping our eyes on our precious Savior each and every day is the only thing that has gotten us through.

So this Thanksgiving, let’s choose to forget what’s behind and look forward, keeping our eyes on Jesus.  Our victory is through our unmoveable and unchanging Savior.  Amen!

Fruit and the Finish Line!

Along this difficult journey of unemployment, I have struggled to not focus solely on the “finish line”. Over the last 19 months, I have realized the importance of focusing my heart and mind on what God is doing on the journey each day and not just on the destination I’m hoping to finally arrive at.

It has been crucial to walk a path of daily surrender and to ask God for His supernatural grace for each day.  The Lord richly gives me what I need for today and what it holds – but I will also need a ton of grace again tomorrow!

And as I go day by day, I begin to see my life from God’s perspective.  I begin to value what He is showing me each day, though the days have seemed long.  One of the things He has been faithful to show me is the fruit of this long season.

A few months ago, my daughter, Kelsey, wrote me this letter:

I was so blessed by the truth my daughter was reminding me of – and I was grateful for all God has made real to her ten-year-old heart.  What fruit it is to know God is working in my kids through this time.  That alone is worth all of this difficulty!

So I have learned to see what God is doing day by day.  And then, one day, a “suddenly” happened that changed everything

I am pleased to report that after 583 days without a job, I am no longer unemployed! The Lord created a “suddenly” in my story and a finish line popped up out of nowhere. I have been blessed with an incredible job that I started yesterday.  It will provide me with an incredible opportunity to be blessed more then even before!  Only our God can work out something like that!

The Lord family stands here as a testament to God’s faithfulness.  I love and trust God more than I ever have before.  He has brought deep healing to my heart.  My family is closer than ever.  My daughters have found God in deeper ways for themselves.

Unemployment is not something I would ever wish on anyone.  But having experienced all of the fruit that God has worked each day along the journey, I would not have changed a thing!

Defining the Abundant Life!

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

To fully understand what it means to have the abundant life that Jesus promised, we have to start with the fact that it is God who defines abundant life.  It is not defined by the fulfillment of our fleeting human inventions or desires.  It is a powerful and precious life that Jesus Himself both promised and modeled for us.

See, back in His day, people had expectations about their lives and the way they wanted God’s will to play out for them, just as we do.  The people of Israel were eagerly awaiting the arrival of their promised Messiah.  And they knew exactly who they thought He should be - an earthly King who would defeat their earthly enemies and bring them to freedom and prominence. 

Instead, what they got was a lowly baby, born in a stinky barn.  He was not royal by earthly standards at all.  In fact, the Bible goes so far as to say there was nothing attractive about Him!

“He grew up like small plant before the Lord, like a root growing in a dry land. He had no special beauty or form to make us notice him; there was nothing in his appearance to make us desire him.   Isaiah 53:2.

He came from humble means, was nothing special to look at and would end up being questioned by His own earthly family during His ministry. 

Jesus was persecuted and lied about.  He was rejected.  His cousin was murdered.  In His final moments, His closest friends betrayed and abandoned Him.

And yet. . . 

Jesus was the fulfillment of God’s thoughts and plans for a Messiah for His people.  And He lived an abundant life.  He knew who He was.  Even at age 12, He knew He was to be about His Father’s business.  And though He faced the same humanity that we all do, He knew an intimacy with God that sustained Him, as evidenced by the many, many times He would go away to pray.  He experienced the life-giving power of the Spirit that enabled Him to walk on this earth.  Jesus’ abundant life was found in doing His Father’s will. 

And Jesus knew that we, like Him, would face incredible difficulty and pain on this earth.  He knew we would ache with rejection and grieve in death.  Still He promises us so many things:

-He would carry our burdens and give us rest (Matthew 11:28-29)

-He will give us peace of mind and heart, far beyond what this world can give (John 14:27)

-He wants to bring healing to us – He is a God of miracles! (Matthew 8:3, Mark 1:42. . .and so many more!!)

-He will give abundantly to us:  a good amount, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into our laps (Luke 6:38)

-He told us we don’t need to worry about what we will eat, drink or wear – He will supply all of our needs as we seek Him first (Matthew 6:25-34)

-He said when we ask, we will receive… we will find… and the door will be opened to us (Luke 11:9-10)

-He will always be with us, even to the end of the age (Matt. 28:20).

These are only a few of the promises Jesus makes that show us what abundant life looks like – and there are so many more! 

But we get confused when we see the promises through human thinking instead of God’s way of thinking. 

It is very hard for us to encounter illness and death on this earth and still believe that Jesus promises miracles and healing. 

It is difficult for us to be down to the last pennies in our bank account and believe that Jesus tells us not to worry about what we eat or drink, but that God will supply all our needs.

But here’s another promise that Jesus makes to us:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

Jesus does not sugar coat this fact: we will have a lot of pain in this life.  But He also offers promises in the midst of pain.  Hope in the face of tragedy. He has overcome for us!  Do we believe it?  Because that is the definition of an abundant life. 

Abundant life is not merely a life of ease - it is a life of victory.  A life of overcoming.  A life of hope when all looks hopeless because we know Jesus paid for our victory.  We know Who holds our lives in His all-powerful hands.  We can rest in His perfect peace that passes finite human wisdom.  We don’t have to strive when things are falling apart – we can cling to the promises of Jesus, even if our circumstances may be opposite to those promises.

And that kind of abundant living is a beautiful mystery to those who don’t know God!  Why can we find stability in the midst of chaos?  Why can we wrestle with pain and yet still find peace?  How can we deal with rejection and still know that we are passionately loved by our Creator?

The beauty of abundant life is not in its earthly excesses, but in its power for living in every day! 

It is knowing we have victory in Jesus – even when victory doesn’t look like we thought it would. 

It’s in living a life surrendered to Jesus as Lord, and trusting He is with us, for us and moving on our behalf, no matter what our circumstances are.

It is choosing by faith to believe that because of Jesus’ work, we will overcome, even when facing adversity.

I’ve wanted God to provide for us by giving Craig a job.  But His provision for us has looked so different than I thought it would.  His thoughts and plans about this season of our lives have allowed us to feel the love of God’s people, see His miracles and trust Him more deeply as we wait on His timing and plan.

And when we seasons of blessing come – as we know they will - when our barns are full and life is sweet, abundant living means this:

"God has given you this good stuff so that you can show the world a person who enjoys blessings, but who is still totally obsessed with God."  (Francis Chan)

That’s the kind of abundant life Jesus modeled and died for us to have.

We can live in victory because of Jesus!  And when we submit to Jesus as our Lord, we can live surrendered lives that allow God’s will to play out in ways beyond what we can imagine.  We can show those who don’t know Jesus that we passionately love Him and trust Him, no matter what we are facing.  That is the abundant life!