Marriage and Crisis

Tomorrow, Craig and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage.  I can’t believe how fast time has gone!  I look at this man, who was a boy when I fell in love with him at 16, and still can’t believe that God gave him to me!

You know, in the best of times, marriage is work.  Hard work.  It requires the daily choice to love someone else more than we love ourselves.  To sacrifice, care for, love and respect our spouses when we feel moved to do so – and when we don’t.

But when you add in the difficulties of life – the pain, loss and suffering that can storm into your path, marriage can be put under incredible strain.  It’s easy to blame each other, to turn on each other when the chips are down, to allow emotional stress to cause you to be unkind, or even worse, downright mean.  And the enemy will do everything he can to use the circumstances and pain of life to rip a marriage apart.

I will be honest.  In our moments of great tragedy and death, it is easy to function as roommates.  To be two people, living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, but functioning independently.  We have worked very hard to fight that.  We have learned that the most important thing we can do in our trials is to turn our hearts toward each other.  Though this hasn’t always been easy – and believe me, we have had some DOOZY fights over the years! – we have seen our relationship deepen and strengthen as we work through each trial that we face.

My youngest daughter, Kelsey, was just two weeks old when my Mom died of cancer in 2003.  I was not just dealing with my own grief and pain, but with the hormonal rush and exhaustion that comes with having a newborn.  It was the darkest season of my life.  I no longer felt like God was safe.  I felt betrayed that He had allowed my Mom to die.  I was in an abyss of pain so dark, I couldn’t see anything at all.

Craig literally pastored me through that season.  He would listen to me – for HOURS, mind you – as I poured out my pain.  He would pray with me and for me.  He reminded me of the truth of who God is and what His Word says when I couldn’t remember for myself.  I would not have made it through that season without him.

We have learned to face the storms of our life together.  We need each other.  We fight.  We make up.  We love.  We learn.  Craig is truly the love of my life and my best friend.  Only God can keep a marriage intact when we face all of the turmoil and pain that life throws at us.

Can I encourage you, if you are in a painful season to keep your heart turned toward your spouse.  Guard your thoughts, as so much of how we look at our spouses is shaped by those imaginary conversations in our heads or by dishonoring them in our hearts.  Where we have been hurt, we may need to come before the Lord and ask Him to help us forgive them.  Ask the Lord to help us see our spouses the way He does.  Marriage can truly be the most incredible gift of God during seasons of fire and trial. 

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12