Marriage and Crisis

Tomorrow, Craig and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage.  I can’t believe how fast time has gone!  I look at this man, who was a boy when I fell in love with him at 16, and still can’t believe that God gave him to me!

You know, in the best of times, marriage is work.  Hard work.  It requires the daily choice to love someone else more than we love ourselves.  To sacrifice, care for, love and respect our spouses when we feel moved to do so – and when we don’t.

But when you add in the difficulties of life – the pain, loss and suffering that can storm into your path, marriage can be put under incredible strain.  It’s easy to blame each other, to turn on each other when the chips are down, to allow emotional stress to cause you to be unkind, or even worse, downright mean.  And the enemy will do everything he can to use the circumstances and pain of life to rip a marriage apart.

I will be honest.  In our moments of great tragedy and death, it is easy to function as roommates.  To be two people, living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, but functioning independently.  We have worked very hard to fight that.  We have learned that the most important thing we can do in our trials is to turn our hearts toward each other.  Though this hasn’t always been easy – and believe me, we have had some DOOZY fights over the years! – we have seen our relationship deepen and strengthen as we work through each trial that we face.

My youngest daughter, Kelsey, was just two weeks old when my Mom died of cancer in 2003.  I was not just dealing with my own grief and pain, but with the hormonal rush and exhaustion that comes with having a newborn.  It was the darkest season of my life.  I no longer felt like God was safe.  I felt betrayed that He had allowed my Mom to die.  I was in an abyss of pain so dark, I couldn’t see anything at all.

Craig literally pastored me through that season.  He would listen to me – for HOURS, mind you – as I poured out my pain.  He would pray with me and for me.  He reminded me of the truth of who God is and what His Word says when I couldn’t remember for myself.  I would not have made it through that season without him.

We have learned to face the storms of our life together.  We need each other.  We fight.  We make up.  We love.  We learn.  Craig is truly the love of my life and my best friend.  Only God can keep a marriage intact when we face all of the turmoil and pain that life throws at us.

Can I encourage you, if you are in a painful season to keep your heart turned toward your spouse.  Guard your thoughts, as so much of how we look at our spouses is shaped by those imaginary conversations in our heads or by dishonoring them in our hearts.  Where we have been hurt, we may need to come before the Lord and ask Him to help us forgive them.  Ask the Lord to help us see our spouses the way He does.  Marriage can truly be the most incredible gift of God during seasons of fire and trial. 

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

God, have your way in me!

I remember, as a kid, hearing the story of the Children of Israel as they were delivered from slavery in Egypt and moved to the freedom in the Promised Land.   I remember being so surprised by their constant ‘grumbling’ and ‘complaining’ along the way. I recall being shocked by their behavior after witnessing such amazing feats of supernatural power – Nile turning to blood; Angel of death taking the first born; parting the Red Sea; drowning Pharaoh’s army; water coming from rocks; manna from heaven – and yet seeming to forget these incredible demonstrations almost over night. I remember judging this group of people for displaying this ungrateful attitude to the same God that had just delivered them.

What was wrong with these people that they don’t remember what God just did?  Were they not paying attention, did they not see the amazing demonstration of God’s love and might towards His chosen people? I remember thinking that if I had experienced such acts of wonder and greatness I certainly would not forget so easily – or would I?

Fast forward several hundred years in the story and we are introduced to a new group of God’s chosen people who are struggling with a similar problem of remembering God in the midst of amazing demonstrations and acts of power, that of the Pharisees.

Like the children of Israel, the Pharisees witnessed some overwhelming and inexplicable acts of God’s power. They saw water turned to wine, lame men walk, blind men see, dead folks restored back to life.  But at every turn, they questioned its’ validity and the Man who performed these miracles.

.

Like the children of Israel, this was a new experience and a new side of God they had not seen before. These supernatural acts were meeting some very real needs but was creating chaos in their carefully managed and rigidly held traditions of holding to the law and holding deviation from the law over the heads of other people.

And like I did with the children of Israel, I found it very easy to judge the Pharisees and condemn their behavior. How could they question each and every one of Jesus’ miracles? How could they give Him such a hard time when everything Jesus was doing was so good? How did they miss that Jesus was the fulfillment of prophecy?

The answer is simple:  both of these groups judged God through the evidence through the lens of their own personal needs and experiences.   The children of Israel chose to view God through their immediate needs and personal experiences. That is why it was so easy to constantly forget what great miracles had been done – they were only looking at the newest need that presented itself – protection, deliverance, food, water, shelter, etc.  God had delivered them yesterday – but they were hungry today!  Thirsty now!  Tired of this long wilderness trek already!

The Pharisees were doing the same thing. They were allowing their own personal needs and experiences to shape how they viewed everything, including the works of Jesus.  Over the years they had come to enjoy many perks of being a Pharisee, the level of importance that it provided and the overall standing within the community. As religious leaders their interpretation of Scripture became the standard to which everything was measured.  As political influencers, they maintained a position of power within the Roman rule that gave them a cultural significance among the Jews. As the wealthy elite, they carried with them an air of success and social importance that most Jews came to desire.

Jesus began to upset this apple-cart when He pointed out that the Pharisees had missed the mark.  Their focus was no longer on God, but instead on the applause of men, the positions of honor they were receiving, and their overall reputation. They were doing the work of the law, but their hearts were far from God. 

It’s easy to read the Bible and be critical of these groups.  But don’t we do the same? Don’t we interpret everything through our own needs and experiences and then judge God as good and faithful or distant and cruel?

If Jesus were to come to earth today would we receive Him like the Pharisees or like the sinners who need a Savior? Would we truly ‘see’ what He was doing and be amazed or would we interpret through our own personal needs and experiences which might cause us to come to the wrong conclusion?

Paul, a former Pharisee, was convinced that he was doing the right thing and defending God against the evil work of Jesus! He had people killed, thrown in prison, beaten severely, and tortured to ensure that this work of Jesus would stop. However, it was not until he had an experience with Jesus Himself that caused his heart to change and to see the truth.  His perspective, based on his experience, had been wrong.  His understanding had been limited.  His view of God far too small.

Let us through off the cloak of importance that we have made for ourselves and remember that when all is stripped away we are simply sinners in need of a Savior! We do not ‘grow’ out of being a sinner and we do not ‘mature’ our way out of needing grace. We are in a constant need of salvation and therefore need of Jesus. We must learn to set aside our personal interpretations and judgments. Will we let Jesus upset our apple carts?  Are we willing to lay aside our own judgments and understanding of what is happening in our lives, that we may truly see the miracles of God?  I don’t want to miss what God is doing in my life because I’m consumed with my circumstances or limited by my own understanding.  I don’t want to have Jesus standing right in front of me and miss it because I am blinded by my own issues.  God, have your way in me!

Longsuffering

Most of us know the verses that talk about the fruits of the Spirit: 

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, and self-control”. (Galatians 5:22-23)

One day, the Lord reminded me of the way an older translation of the Bible states this verse:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.”

There was a word there that jumped off the page.  Instead of “patience”, the word translated was “longsuffering”.

Yuck.

We live in a world averse to suffering.  We try to avoid it at all costs.  We medicate in a variety of ways when it happens to come our way.  We do everything in our power to insulate ourselves from suffering. 

But suffering is part of this life.  Though we MUST choose to maintain hope in God, belief in His Word and faith that He does have good plans for us, it is sometimes hard to do in light of the pain that we face.  And sometimes the suffering that we face is for a long time.

Longsuffering.  I did a little study on what that word means as a fruit of the Spirit.

Longsuffering literally means “patience, endurance, constancy, steadfastness, perseverance, slowness in avenging wrongs”. (Thayer)

“Longsuffering is that quality of self-restraint in the face of provocation which does not hastily retaliate or promptly punish; it is the opposite of anger, and is associated with mercy, and is used of God; patience is the quality that does not surrender to circumstances or succumb under trial; it is the opposite of despondency and is associated with hope.” (Vine’s Complete Expository)

I don’t know about you, but when I am suffering, when I am in emotional pain, when my circumstances scream that I am a failure, when I cannot see the light of day, I don’t WANT to be longsuffering!  I don’t want to be patient, to be steadfast, to choose not to avenge wrong, to have hope!

But the Lord reminded me that longsuffering is a fruit of the Spirit.  It is not a fruit of Jen.  It is something that He works in me as I come to Him and bring all of my pain and confusion.  It is not something I can muster up on my own.  Longsuffering comes as a product of God’s work in my life.

See, the Bible has a very different view of suffering.  While we try to avoid it like the plague, the Bible teaches us that suffering is something that causes us to identify with Jesus. 

“Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.  . . . So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.”  (1 Pet 4:12-13, 19)

Does it surprise you to know that the Bible says we will suffer?  It’s not what most people are talking about these days – but I think it’s the part that gives the most hope! 

*If we are only victims of our suffering, then we become consumed by our circumstances and pain.  If that is all we see, then our suffering can bring death.

*But if we come to the Father and bring our suffering to Him, He can use that suffering to draw us to Himself.  Remind us that He is truly all we need.  He will make us more like Jesus!  Shape character in us. Remind us that He does not fail and that what we see with our physical eyes is not the end of the story!

One verse that defines what can come through suffering seasons is one of the most profound verses I have ever read:

“While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God. Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered” (Hebrews 5:7-8).

If anyone understands what it’s like to suffer on this earth, it’s Jesus.  But did you catch the purpose of suffering for the Son of God as He walked the earth?  Obedience. 

These verses show us how Jesus cried out to His Father, bringing His tears.  And in that process, God used suffering to teach Jesus to obey.

Could it be that He could teach that to us, too?

When we are suffering, could we stop acting out because of fear and torment of pain?

Could we, like Jesus, bring our cries to the Father, who cares and listens?

Will we be willing to be taught obedience through what we suffer?

Can we allow the Holy Spirit to make us longsuffering – patient no matter how long it takes?

If we could truly catch a glimpse of all that God is, we would know that what God can do in us and through us through suffering is BETTER than the best, most pain-free day we can imagine here on earth.

“And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his sufferings.  Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” (Roman 8:17-18)

I love the last line of that verse – “what we suffer now is NOTHING compared to the glory He will reveal in us later.”  Take hope if you are in a long season of suffering.  God can work longsuffering in us – and that will make all the difference.

What do I want: the Father or His “Stuff”?

Most of us are at least somewhat familiar with one of the most famous stories that Jesus ever shared with His disciples, found in Luke chapter 15, that of “The Prodigal Son”. The setting for the telling of the story was quite interesting. Jesus had gathered together a group of well known sinners and tax-collectors for a dinner party.  The religious leaders of the time were very much upset that a rabbi would hang around with such riff raff.

The Pharisees and scribes, who were following Jesus, could not help themselves and felt it was their obligation and duty to publicly denounce this gathering of questionable people and to grumble about why a reputable rabbi would do such a thing. It is in this context that Jesus shares the story of the Lost Son.

We are introduced to three main characters – the father, who is a wealthy property owner, and his two sons. The younger son has made a decision that he is done with working the farm and comes to his father with a request, “give me the share of the estate that falls to me.” He wants his inheritance now. He does not want to wait until his father’s death he desires what will be rightfully his in the future but he wants it in the now.

To everyone’s surprise the father complies and divides his estate between the two sons. The younger immediately packs up his things and travels to a distant country to begin living off of his inheritance. After a season of wild partying and loose living the younger son finds himself broke and friendless in a foreign land caught in the midst of a severe famine. The odd job that he is able to find, that of a pig feeder, is not meeting his needs and he determines to go home. “I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men’.”

As the younger son makes the long trip home, he rehearses the speech over and over and is prepared to humble himself before the father in hopes that the father will take him back, not as a son because his actions were far too sinful, but at least as a worker. 

As he arrives home and comes to the road of his father’s property he is ready to give the speech that he has been preparing the whole time. Yet he is met with a completely surprising response, an overwhelming joy and excitement over his return. The father is not angry. He is overjoyed and demands that a party begin immediately, “bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fatted calf, kill it, and let us eat and be merry.”

Not the response he thought he would get and certainly not the response I think I would have given had my son returned home broke after blowing my retirement. Don’t get me wrong, I would be happy that he is home and returned safely to the family but I don’t think I would have thrown a joyous celebration and honored him the way the father in the story did.

In the midst of this joyous homecoming and partying we are re-introduced to the older son and his response is a little surprising, “he became angry and was not willing to go in.” In fact his father has to come outside in order to inquire as to why he is not coming in to celebrate. “Look, for so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours and yet you have never given me a kid that I might be merry with my friends, but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with harlots, you killed the fattened calf for him.”

The charge is simple and the hurt is clearly expressed, ‘I have been faithful for years and followed all of your commands and yet you never once through a party for me’. But the father’s response is telling and necessary, “My child, you have always been with me and all this is mine is yours, but we had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, was lost and has been found.”

My pastor always encourages us to find ourselves in the story and look for the lesson that Jesus is specifically speaking to you. For me, I am the older brother. I am the faithful one, the one who has followed the commands and obeyed everything that was asked of me. The one who has not rocked the boat and has been compliant with trying to obey what God has wanted for my life.  Yet I look around and see others enjoying things that I want – employment and the fulfillment of the desires of their hearts.  Where’s my party, God?

The younger brother was more blatant in what he wanted – the father’s estate and inheritance. And his was brazen in his request to get it. The older brother however was more subtle and discreet – he too wanted the father’s estate and inheritance – but was willing to earn it through obedience and faithful service. The problem is that neither brother seemed to want the father. They only wanted what he could give them.   And I realize that sometimes I do that, too.

Jesus was teaching that the Father loves us and is willing to go to amazing lengths to win us to Him. But are we willing to be won by Him for the sole purpose of just being with Him?  Or is it that we just want “the stuff” that He has to offer? Is being with God enough? Is God the treasure that we seek or are we seeking God because we believe He will give us treasure as a blessing or result of our relationship with Him?

In the midst of an incredible personal journey and a season of struggle and unemployment that has lasted far longer then I anticipated, I am asking myself these questions on a daily basis. God is desiring a personal relationship with me and wanting me to come to Him and just be. I am searching my innermost thoughts and desires to weed them out so that I can come to the place where I too just want to be with the Father and that is enough. No ulterior motives and no secret wants, just hanging out with the Father. 

            

Am I willing to HEAR truth?

One of the most important lessons we learn as we mature in our walk is to “. . .speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ” (Eph. 4:15).  If we want others to hear the truth that we are speaking, we know that love is the way to win their hearts.

But as I’ve pondered this verse, I also thought about when I’m on the other end of truth – the one to whom truth is being spoken.  Do I also strive to truly hear truth spoken into my life?

Let’s be honest – each of us can recount moments when truth has been spoken to us and frankly, we didn’t like it.  Maybe it was the way the person said it.  Maybe we really didn’t agree with what they were saying.  Or maybe they hit a chord and deep down we knew they were right.

How can we be good hearers of truth?  By that I mean, how do we respond well when someone has spoken truth to us?  Maybe even if it was spoken in a way that we don’t want to hear it?

First, we must take anything that is said to us to the Lord. 

I remember in my early 20’s, I was working under a couple of younger pastors.  We were all “green” in our leadership and experience.  There were times that they saw things in me that absolutely needed to be addressed.  But because I was an early 20-something woman and they were late 20-something men, there was more than one conversation where they tried to speak into my life and I ended up in tears.

I’d go to the Lord in hurt and frustration.  “Why are they saying these things, Lord?  They’ve hurt my feelings!  I want to quit!”  But the Lord was about to respond in a way I wasn’t expecting.

“It does not matter how they deliver it to you - if they are 
speaking truth, you are responsible for it."

Umm…ouch.  That was a hard thing to hear.  But in that season, the Lord did a deep work in me.  God didn’t allow my focus to be on how they spoke to me, but instead on the truth that they were speaking.  If they had spoken truth, even if I didn’t like how they said it, it was truth that I was responsible for before God.  

That is not to say that anyone has a right to willfully be unkind or abusive in the name of speaking truth.  Confrontation can be a difficult thing for most of us.  If we only focus on how someone speaks to us, we may miss the fact that there is truth for us to hear.  That is where we must come before the Lord to find healing for any hurt, but also be willing to have an honest examination of our own hearts.

Let me also clear about this – when we hear difficult things, it doesn’t always mean the person is speaking truth.  There are times when people say things out of their own motives, out of their own pain or broken perspectives.  That is why it’s important to have godly, wise friends; those who love us enough to tell us the truth when we’re wrong and who also encourage us to see the truth when we have been wronged.  Both are important!  The bottom line is we must take anything that others say to us before the Lord and trusted friends to see if there is truth to what is being said.  Simply denying it because I don’t like what was said or how it was said can, in the end, hurt me the most.

Second, we must remember that when truth is spoken for us to hear, it is because of God’s love for us.  Hebrews 12:6-8 in The Message says,

 “My dear child don't shrug off God's discipline. . .it's the child he loves that he disciplines;  the child he embraces, he also corrects.  God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. . .while we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.”

There is a great purpose God has for the truth that is spoken into our lives.  Because He loves us, He disciplines and corrects us, and sometimes that correction will come through a brother or sister in Christ.

I pray that we become willing to lovingly hear truth – even when it is not easy, because that is one way that we become mature in the Lord.  It forces us to dig deeply into God, to wrestle with Him through hurt or questions and yet truly look long and hard into the mirror He holds up in front of us.  When truth is there, I want to learn from it!  I want to grow to be more of who God wants me to be!

Mark 4:23 says, “If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.”  May we become people who strive to hear the truth of God in our lives!

My Mama. . .

10 years ago today, my Mama ended her horrific battle with cancer and began her life face to face with Jesus. 

She was the best kind of mom.  Involved in our lives, but not hovering.  Allowing us to fail in the safety of our home so that failure outside our home didn’t decimate us.  Using everyday moments to teach us the truths of life with Jesus.  She was incredible.

Even in her death, she shapes my life and the lives of my kids.  Meagan and Kelsey ADORE my mom – the Grammie they didn’t get to know, but they know and love through me.  To this day when my girls hit milestones or I have questions about where they are at, my first thought is to want to call her.

When people tell me they see my Mom in me or my sister, it is one of the biggest compliments we could ever receive.  She was an incredible wife, godly mom, servant-hearted pastor and wise friend.  I am grateful for all that she sowed into my life – I reap the blessing of it every day.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”  (Proverbs 31:28).

 

This song by Steven Curtis Chapman has summed up our hearts for the last ten years:

"We can cry with hope, we can say goodbye with hope,

Cause we know our goodbye is not the end.

And we can grieve with hope, cause we believe with hope,

there's a place where we'll see your face again."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmyUgsmCzB4

For the Kingdom: Are you willing to experience a miracle?

Most people, me included, love a happy ending. When we go to a movie we want to see the story wrapped up in a neat little bow, all the questions answered, all the problems resolved and the hero/heroine walking off into the sunset with hope and the potential for a life of happiness. Oh, and we want the bad guy to be destroyed, imprisoned, or at least taken care of – for a while. We may not want to admit it, but there is something very attractive to the phrase “happily ever after”. It allows us to hope. It allows us to dream. It allows us to put aside the realities of daily life and get lost in the “what-if”.

I was reminded of 2 stories – 2 miracles actually- from the gospel of John that seem to follow each other pretty quickly in the timeline of Jesus’ ministry. The first is the healing of a blind man on the Sabbath (John 9). And the second is the raising of Lazarus back to life (John 11). Both events are quite significant and both events are used to demonstrate who Jesus is, but more telling than that, both events do not end up with the traditional “happy ending”.

The first miracle is set just outside the temple and takes place on the Sabbath. A beggar, blind since birth, was a staple among those that surround the temple to seek help from passers by. As Jesus walks by with His disciples a question is asked, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?” (The disciples are much like us, wanting to know the reason why things are the way they are, wanting to know the logical explanation of “why”).

Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was in order that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Then He spat on the ground and made a mud cake and put it on the eyes of the beggar and told him to wash in the pool of Siloam. The moment he completed the task his sight was restored and he could see. What a miracle! What an amazing way to meet the needs of someone who was desperately in need! And he lived happily every after…right?

This is where the story takes a turn from our traditional happy ending. As the chapter continues we are introduced to a group of questioning religious leaders who are having a major issue with this miracle. After questioning the former blind beggar twice, to get the scoop on how we was actually healed, they then call upon his parents to verify the validity of his claim to having been “blind from birth”. Instead of being joyous and celebrating with this amazing miracle, the religious leaders are instead questioning whether it was a set-up, hoax or work of some evil power.

         

The leaders are questioning who Jesus is, “We know that God has spoken to Moses; but as for this man, we do not know where he is from.” (John 9: 29). The former blind beggar makes a simple statement, “Whether he is a sinner, I do not know; one thing I do know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see…If this man were not from God, He could do nothing.” (John 9:25, 33). After this statement of fact the beggar is kicked out of the synagogue and excommunicated from the religious world he had always known.

Not exactly the happy ending that we would expect to follow a miracle that simply brought sight to a blind man, is it?

Two chapters later we are introduced to another miracle that carries many of the same details – that of Lazarus being raised from the dead.  (You can read more of his story in Jen’s blog, “The Story’s Not Over Yet).

         

Jesus comes to bring Lazarus back to life after his death.  His sisters were amazed!  The friends were in awe!  There was exceeding joy in what Jesus had done!  What an amazing miracle and what a happy ending…or was it?

The religious leaders again convene a council. And once again they begin to examine the person who has received the miracle touch of Jesus. Where is the rejoicing? Where is the amazement at witnessing such an incredible act? Instead we see this response from the religious leaders, “The great multitude of Jews learned that He (Jesus) was there; and they came, not for Jesus’ sake only, but that they might also se Lazarus, whom He raised from the dead. But the chief priests took counsel that they might put Lazarus to death also because on account of him many of the Jews were going away, and were believing in Jesus.” (John 12:9-11).

Not the happy ending that we would assume. A man is brought back to life only to have those who are fearful of how it was done plot to take that life from him.

In both stories the miracles are performed to demonstrate who Jesus was, the Son of God. They were the “evidence” to show His power and authority here on earth. Both events were catalysts to revival and change as scores of Jews began to believe after hearing about and witnessing these miraculous events. In both cases the miracles brought about the kingdom of heaven here on earth.

The only problem is that the stories don’t end the way we want. A man receives the miracle of restored sight, but is kicked out of the synagogue. And Lazarus receives his life and health back only to become a subject of assassination and religious plotting.

The miraculous works that Jesus does always bring the Kingdom of Heaven to earth.  But that may still cost me something.  I know for me, I have always wanted to be a volunteer for advancing God’s kingdom and to be a recipient of His miracle touch. However, I have not really thought of it with and outcome like these men experienced. Does this affect my willingness? Does it make me reevaluate? Will I be willing to experience a kingdom touch of the miraculous, allowing God to be glorified and the lost come to know Him -  even when the outcome may not be a “happily ever after”? My prayer is that the answer is yes! Lord continue to work in me in such a way that my desires are Your desires and that I will trust You for the outcome. Amen. 

When Hope Feels Like a 4-Letter Word

Sometimes I have felt like hope is a 4-letter word.  You know, the bad kind of word.

This is exactly how I was feeling at the end of 2008.  I felt like I looked into my future and saw a gray flatland.  No hill of hope.  No mountain of possibility.  Nothing.

I got to that broken and dismal place because I was tired.  I was so weary of hoping that God would fulfill certain promises to us.  I was longing for Him to bring breakthrough in ministry.  I was sad.  Everything I “thought” was going to happen had not.  I felt like I must not know how to hear God, because so far I had been wrong.  About everything.

I remember praying, “Lord, just show me what You want for us.  I surrender all of my plans for Yours.  Please just make Your will clear.”

Doesn’t that sound like a good prayer?  Little did I know God was about to reveal a motive behind that prayer that made it far more broken than it sounded.

See, I didn’t want to hope anymore.  I wanted God to just give me the answers I wanted.  The answers I was demanding.  If He would just tell me what He wanted, I would get on board with that.  If I could understand what He was doing, then I would be guaranteed fulfillment because I would be wanting what He wanted for me!  My hope wouldn’t be deferred any longer. 

I was operating in a mode that I think most people do:  self protection.   We try to protect ourselves from pain and loss.  And I was trying to do that with the Lord.  I was guarding myself against more disappointment and discouragement by wanting guarantees. 

But that’s the problem with hope, and ultimately, faith.  It requires us to trust, to jump in with both feet, without getting the whole picture.  To know in part, but believe in full that God is in control and that, no matter what I face, He’s got me in His hand.

Despite my broken motives, the Lord began to answer that prayer, but not in the way that I wanted.  He began to whisper a dream to both Craig and me that is exciting.  That is so much bigger than we are, it’s not even funny.  When He first spoke it to us, I literally thought it must’ve been my imagination.  And God asked Craig and me to dream about what He was saying.  To own this dream as our own.  To pray for it, guard it, believe Him for big things.  It was the first time in a long time that I could see a "hill of hope" on the landscape of our lives.

But I thought knowing what the Lord wanted in a specific way would make things easier on me, because I would have a measure of control. (Any other control freaks out there?)   Instead, the Lord gave us a dream, and I want it.  Badly.  And nothing in my life has ever required more hope in God to fulfill or faith to believe that He will bring it to pass.  Where my prayer had been designed to short-circuit the process to get me straight to an answer, God decided to give me an answer that would require us to rely even more on Him.

God answered my prayer – on His terms.  He gave us a glimpse of something bigger that He is doing in our lives.  But it has not yet come to pass.  It has stretched our faith.  It has made hope seem like a precious gift and not a curse.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace

because you trust in Him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the

power of the Holy Spirit.”  Romans 15:13

This verse revolutionized my understanding of hope.  I was feeling so full of angst because of this long season of waiting.  But I was so discouraged, because my hope was in the answers I was looking so hard to find.  God is the source of hope.  I don’t hope in the dreams or promises He’s given or in the timing in which I think they should be fulfilled.  My hope MUST be in HIM.  And as I trust Him, I am filled with joy and peace.  What a miracle! 

Look at the end of that verse.  As we learn to trust in God, He gives us joy and peace and THEN we overflow with hope – and not just hope, but confident hope!  Not just a little bit of hope, but an fullness of assurance that spills over in every area of our lives!  What a promise!  What a gift!

When we are walking in human hope, we will be disappointed.  When we try to convince ourselves to “just hang on”, we will grow in our discouragement.  But the Source of all hope is ready to give us hope as we trust Him.  And we can’t muster overflowing, confident hope on our own.  It is a work of the Holy Spirit in our lives!

There are still days when I struggle with hope, especially as the years pass by, and we still haven't seen this dream come to pass.  And on those days, I am learning to bring all of my weariness and confusion to the true Source of all hope.  He will give us confident hope.  And the beauty is, when we need it again tomorrow, or when the dark moments come, He will give it to us again and again.

The Moment of Truth

I don’t know about you but I am an absolute sucker for, what I call, the “moment of truth” found in almost every action/adventure movie ever made. It is the moment in the movie when the hero/heroine must make the decision to “do” or “say” what is right and or choose to abandon the quest and walk away from the conflict in failure or defeat.

We all remember the final “trial” of William Wallace in Braveheart as he refuses to bow to the tyranny of the English empire and chooses torture rather then abandonment of the cause when he screams at the top of his lungs… FEEDOM!  Or when the falsely accused criminal, Andy Dufresne, successfully emerges from the sewer pipe of Shawshank prison with his arms raised in victory as the rain pours down from the sky. Or dare I say it, when the hard-fighting boxer from Philadelphia, Rocky Balboa, out lasts the Russian juggernaut, Ivan Drago, and lands the final blow that knocks out the seemingly unbeatable physical specimen.

These are the moments that stick in our thoughts and capture our imagination. These are times when we want to stand up and cheer for the character, who when facing overwhelming opposition, beats the odds, stays the course and becomes the hero! I have always looked at those moments with longing and wonder and internally questioned, do I had what it takes to do something like that?

I am reminded of a story from Daniel 3 that creates a moment like this in the lives of three young men, Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego -- three young Hebrew men that are ripped from their homeland and community and transported directly into the heart of a new and foreign land and asked to be part of its administration. In the midst of this incredible culture shock God is there and watching over them. They are actually promoted to positions of leadership and have some prestige and standing with King Nebuchadnezzar. All of that is put to the test with the story many of us have heard since we were little…Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego and the fiery furnace.

What I want to focus on is their moment of truth. The king had created a large golden statue of himself and was requiring that ALL citizens bow down to this statue and worship. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego were Hebrews and could not do such a thing, as it would be an abomination to God. When the time came and the ceremony began all the assembly bowed and began to worship this golden image except Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego. They must have stood out like a sore thumb - three men standing in the midst of a sea of prostrate citizens. The king’s anger raged and the trial of these young men began immediately. The punishment was death and there was no way to win this case as they had been seen by everyone present, including the king!

What has always amazed me about this story is not just their refusal to bow and worship the idol, but it is their words to king Nebuchadnezzar in verses 17 and 18 that blows my mind, 

“Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire;

and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let be

know to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the

golden image that you have set up.” (Dan. 3:17-18)

Did you catch it? They stand in faith and boldness and say that God is able to rescue them from the fiery furnace. But in verse 18 they make and incredible statement of faith that blows everything else out of the water, “but even if He does not…we are not going to worship your golden image.” What a moment of truth!  This is putting-your-money-where-your-mouth-is, lived out to the fullest. Our God can save us, but even if He does not, we will not bow. Their faith was not in what God could do for them but was instead in God Himself. No strings attached.

            I am dramatically challenged by this statement because I know that many times in my life my faith is not necessarily in God but in what He can do for me. I pray because I know that He can do something and provide for a need or want. But what is being challenged here is what if He doesn’t? Will I still pray? Will I still have faith? Will I still believe? We will all have “moments of truth” in our own lives and sometimes more frequently then others. Will we have the boldness to stand for what is right, say what is right and do what is right even if our deliverance may not come?

            And although Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego were ultimately saved from the fiery furnace, they were not delivered from having to walk into the fiery furnace itself. They had to step into this room of fire and be fully engulfed in the flames that they had just witnessed kill the guards who led them there. They had to experience the king’s wrath in anger toward their defiance. Though they were ultimately delivered from harm and destruction, they were not delivered from the experience. Imagine the fear that must have gripped them as they walked to the furnace. Imagine the hope that must have left them when the king’s rage was targeted at them. Imagine the doubt that must have filled their hearts that God might not deliver them. But their faith was in God and they had resolved to “do” what honored God, no matter what the cost.

            I don’t know where you are in your story or “moment of truth” but what I do know is that God is there. Some of you are doubting His involvement or doubting whether you can do it. But allow me to encourage you and say unequivocally that He is there.

We desperately desire for God to deliver us out of the trials that we face, so we don’t have to deal with the struggles or the difficulties. However, it may be His desire to be with us in the midst of the trial, struggle or difficulty.

“Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astounded and stood up in haste; ‘Was it not

three men we cast bound into the midst of the fire?...Look I see four men loosed and walking about in the in the midst of the fire without harm, and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”  (Daniel 3:24-25)

The fourth men in the fire with them was Jesus!

When we have our “moment of truth” – will we choose to entrust our lives to God, no matter what the outcome?  We know this for sure - when we make the choice to stand for righteousness, when we choose faith in the midst of our trials, when we believe God will provide even when we don’t see the resource – we are never alone in that choice.  He WILL meet us, even if it’s right there in the fire.  Just as He did for three Hebrew boys.