"As for you, follow Me."

As our blog unfolds, we will share the specifics of the journey God has had us on, but we wanted to share a brief overview of what the past 17 years of marriage and life have looked like for us.

We were married at just 19 and 20 years old - ready to take on the world and fulfill the call God has on us for ministry.  We both graduated from Christian colleges with degrees in pastoral care and biblical studies.  We fully expected to launch into a life of full-time ministry, serving as pastors at a church.

Funny thing about expectations:  they rarely play out like you think they will.  

Our lives have looked nothing like we ever dreamed they would.  Though we have both been licensed pastors for many years, only Jen has been on staff at a church as a pastor.

We have had many highs in our journey together.  We are truly best friends and adore and love each other deeply.

We have two beautiful daughters, Meagan and Kelsey, who bring such joy to us.

We have deep and fulfilling relationships with both family and friends, that have helped sustain and guide us through our lives.

But we - like many of you - have also faced intense hardships. Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  Jen's mom passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer in 2003.  We have faced two bouts of unemployment, one for 6 months, one that we're still in.  We have experienced the loss of relationships.  We have struggled financially.  And we still have not seen fulfilled the promises that God has given us about the call to ministry that He has on our lives.

Sometimes we've looked around and wondered how we got here.  Our friends are living fulfilling lives.  Thriving in their callings and occupations.  Buying homes and enjoying all of their parents in their old age.  Purchasing new cars, trips and extras that are far outside our reach right now.

But there is a passage in John 21 that has defined our journey.  Jesus has appeared to the disciples again after His Resurrection.  He has this conversation with Peter:

“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him,“Follow me.”

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?”  Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”

 Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” 

In the beginning of this passage, Peter is hearing some pretty heavy news from Jesus.  Jesus is telling Peter that he is going to die.

Let's stop right there for a second.  

Many of us would say that we're excited about God's plan for our lives.  But if Jesus looked you in the eye and told you that you were going to die. . .how would you feel?

We would probably do what Peter did.  He looked around and saw someone he KNEW Jesus cared about.  (After all, John was called the disciple Jesus loved - that's a pretty nice title).  "Alright Jesus, what about John?  If I have to die, doesn't he have to die, too?"

"[Jesus] only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”"

Oh boy.  Peter, we so understand how you feel, man.

In our journey, there have been so many times that we have looked around at the death we have experienced.  The death of dreams, the death of loved ones, the death of relationships.  And then we look around at what God has given to others.  What He's allowed them to have, the success and favor they seem to walk in.  

We have questioned God.  We have cried out to God in faith for fulfillment. We have sought to walk in repentance for areas of sin.  And yet our season has looked very dark for a long time.

I just imagine Jesus looking at Peter.  Putting his first two fingers up to His eyes, then pointing at Peter's eyes.  "Hey, big guy, eyes up here.  What is that to you if John lives until I return?  You follow Me."

We have had that moment with Jesus.  Where He asked us to take our eyes off everyone and everything around us to look only at Him.  To follow where He is leading us.

If you go back to where Jesus was telling Peter he was going to die, it says, "Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God."

Could it be that in the death of our own plans and dreams; the death to ourselves, the crucifying of our flesh. . .that Jesus has intended for us to bring glory - not to ourselves - but to God?  

It may seem easy to read this and say "Of course it's for our lives to bring glory to God!"  But when you're living the pain of death and loss every day, that answer seems harder to come by. . .